Man The Cramp In My Calf Muscles This Morning Was A Doozey.

Well i have let the updates get away from me but now that the laptop is returned I can type from just about anywhere. So what has happened since sunday night? Well i made my way to the interview at the untimely hour of 9am. It was in this huge engineering and industrial complex and my email instructions were to go to building 7. It was way too much to ask that there be a flashing neon 7 on one of the buildings. I rang the recruitment agency because i figured the girl would have gone there to meet with them. She was in a meeting - bugger damn shit. Anyways after 15 minutes of wandering the site - not a person in site, it was like there was a nuclear fallout of something i find the entrance and have to sign in and get myself a neat little day pass to clip on my suit.

For half an hour I answered their questions, being careful to sell myself as the worlds greatest administrator, even thought it was a mind numbing job of just reformatting their OH & S manuals. It was between me and one other girl that was being interviewed next. Cept nobody mentioned that she actually already worked for the company and was trying to get transferred. So who do you think they chose? That's right,the person that already works for the company. Her only greater competency than me was that she could navigate her way around the rabbit warren building. And to add insult to it, the recruitment lady rang and was all bubbly asking me how i thought it went. I spent 2 minutes saying how great i thought i went and that i would be able to handle the job and everything was good and then she tells me i that unfortunately, althought they had nothing but positive things to say about me, they had decided to go with the current employee. Why do companys not interview internally first and then if they can't find someone then go externally. Do they not know how much effort job seekers go through for interviews. Making sure all the clothes are neat and tidy, trying to tame hair and make face look half decent, researching the company and finding out pointless crap about them. Getting themselves all psyched up and travelling there and the waiting and the talking and the after interview dissection. Bastards. I am not disappointed about missing out on the job, i am disappointed in missing out on $20 per hour. I could use the cash. Money good, poor bad. Perhaps i could sell my eggs.

The other main event of the day is that i finally saw the latest in a long line of doctors in relation to my mind/depression/anxiety/general malaise towards the world. I didn't know what to expect but Dr KJS seems like a nice person even if his pants were falling down. I was with him for about 3 hours in this tiny little room. He made me feel comfortable and even though he was on one side of the desk and i on the other, I did not get that patronising "I am a doctor" vibe from him. He asked me questions about my life thus far and everything that had happened. He was scribbling all these notes of blank pieces of A4 paper; kind of like mind maps but a bit less organised. I am assuming that it will be typing into the computer as a proper file.

Anyways to sum up what was an interesting and illuminating 3 hours he diagnosed that I had a restless mind syndrome, something along the lines of ADD. More so then depression. He thinks that the depression is the outcome of the restless mind problems, not the cause of the problems. Hopefully he is right. I have to say what he said made a lot of sense, the quiz that i took that i had to answer, all the time, sometimes,occasionally, seldom, never etc had a lot of experiences that i have had. Like really almost describing me. The fact that out of 25 questions i had 70% in the always or quite a lot meant that i was a candidate. He summed it up by saying that my brain is "all dressed up and nowhere to go" - i can relate to that especially lately when i have been bored and have nothing to do. I really wish that i had taped the session as i am struggling to reiterate what he said and how he explained it. It's kind of like the activity part of my brain is like members of an orchastra; each have their own thing to do but they need to follow the conductor in order for it all to be put together and make beautiful music. But my conductor is sitting down reading a newspaper at the moment and neglecting his duties to order up the orchastra, so they in turn are just kind of doing their own thing and not working together and therefore not being effective. I now have tablets that are the equivalent of a big tough guy walking over to the conductor, yanking the newspaper out of his hands, grabbing him by the shirt and dragging his to the orchastra. A big hard " get the fuck over there and fix this shit will ya" Get em organised. The funny thing is he gave me this tablet to try and told me to go away for about 40 minutes to see if it had any effect. I was flabbergasted that it was supposed to work that quick. Kind of like Panadol quick. Having been on AD's for so long i am accustomed to a long wait for them to kick in. I sat in the car reading for half an hour and trying to notice if there was any difference to me. I was not expecting much and i kind of can't tell whether or not i noticed anything or whether i kind of talked myself into it. Everything just seemed clearer/sharper; stuff that i was looking at just seemed sharper. I was reading a book and the black type stood out on the white paper and i couldn't tell if it was just a trick of the mind. I guess i kind of felt serene, mellow but as I said to Dr KJS there is not a lot of life changing/panic inducing problems in the coles carpark at swansea. He laughed and agreed. I have decided to take this course of tablets; i didn't want to procrastinate and put off something that may help me. The problem is they are basically like speed. If anyone else had given it to me it would be illegal. I got read the riot act at the chemist this morning about keeping them locked away etc etc.

So i am underway on my first day of treatment. I will update my progress accordingly. I have just noticed that i have written a bloody lot. I hear the familiar squish of the beanbag and see that Lord Stinkypants is currently in the process of enveloping himself in it. I love how he trys to climb in but if the bean bag is too high he turns around and looks at me to help him. So i must sign off now as m'Lord requires a helping hand.