Sing Us A Song You're The Piano Man

Wow i never really contemplated the piano and how people play it until i ery slowly. I always knew that pianists were talented but now i have a new appreciation for their abilities as I am still struggling along. I am practicing the chords, all that major and minor key stuff is confusing me. Plus the notes that i need to hit always seem to be the furtherest point away from each other and i have to stretch to reach the keys, more often then not taking the next one along with it to produce that awful wrong note sound. But i know that its just practice and rehearsal. I am sure that Billy Joel or Elton John or Alicia Keys were once at the level that I am now. Only they were 5 years old. Well my dreams of being a rock star musician were always limited to vocalist. But being tone deaf kind of quashed that dream. And I know the whole spiel about if you want something badly enough yada yada but quite frankly there is not a vocal teacher on this planet that could make my voice listenable. Or tolerable. I'll put singing lessons on my list of things to do when i have so much money i can afford to flit it away on totally useless things.

On other not really interesting but i feel i should post something news I have started trying out new styles with my hair. I am getting little bit bored with it but after chatting with mum i don't think i will change it. She thinks the colour is great and even though I keep seeing pictures of brunette celebrities with fabulous hair, i think, at the end of the day what i am most unhappy with is my face and not my hair. Changing the colour of my hair will not change the way my face looks or the dark shadows under my eyes. I thought maybe darker hair would go better with my paler skin as i always felt that being blonde you should be tanned. So i am going to my hairdresser tomorrow so i don't think i will do anything drastic. If i got it cut off and shaped i would soon get sick of it and wish it was long and grow it back. Again change the face not the hair. Or the neckline under my jaw because it is heading south. I swear i would plastic surgery its ass so fast if i had the money but apparently the neck is one area that is very hard to nip and tuck (or so i have read). Besides at this point i would rather use the money to clear up the old acne scars and the rather unattractive dark spots and splotches (no not freckles, freckles are smaller,lighter in colour and usually cuter) that i have. According to my dermatologist its melasma which is hormonal and due to roaccutane. He says its much more harder to get rid of then say freckles and no over the counter stuff will fade it (i figured as much). Apparently lasers are the way to go; they have had great results at fading. Lasers = expensive. I is poor. Life never seems to go your way does it.

Guess i will just have to find a new way of doing my hair so that it covers my face.

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I Can Hear Music

I have taken up playing the piano,or more technically, the organ. I dug my old portable keyboard out of the garage and plugged it in. I had heard Fur Elise played on the piano and had grandiose visions of myself replicating it. I always wished I learnt the piano but we didn't have one and my parents wouldn't pay for lessons. Hence the organ, which was really good, the type that has all different instrument settings and rythmns and automatic chords. Ah chords, that was my downfall so perhaps it was best that i didn't take up the piano. I could never get my head around what both my hands were doing at the same time. If it was a one note chord on the left hand I was fine, but three different keys and stretching the hands to reach the keys and usually being slower than what the right hand is playing just totally threw me off. I could play the right hand fine; i should point out that this was when i was ten so i was using books that printed the letters of the notes on them and weren't too complicated. Songs like Wooden Heart, Jingle Bells, easy versions of classic compositions. I liked the fact that my organ had a program where you could hit one chord note and it actually played the three at once so it sounded a lot more professional. So i have been reacquainting myself with my old books. Its pretty much all coming back to me. I was trying to remember why i gave it up; I think it must have been because i was getting older and i couldn't be bothered taking the next step to learn how to read music and thus practice more difficult songs. And judging by how quickly the songs came back to me and how quickly I got a bit bored, I think the same song selection would have bored me.

But boy haven't things changed in the 15 or 20 years. Whereas I used to have to go out and hunt for sheet music today, thanks to our old friend the internet, you can print them out yourselves. A lot of the sites you have to pay for the sheet music but there are a few sites that have free sheet music, usually public domain or classic songs. The problem that I find is that I have not heard the tune being played so therefore I have no idea how it goes and am just kind of plucking at keys. I have aldo decided to start learning the proper three chords, slowly, i seem to have got my head around the basic white keys ones, its when they throw in a sharp or a flat that i have to contort my hand to hit them. Plus I am playing everything s-l-o-w-l-y as i am learning it. I downloaded Pachelbels Canon for piano (a pretty basic version) and spent today practicing it. I started about 2 o clock or so and by dinner time I had both hands down pat and could play four lines together and it actually sounded like it meant to. Its just a matter of practicing it to committ it to memory. Its hard not to get flustered and hit the wrong key; i actually notice that my mind wanders and i am not concentrating, even just slightly like i take my eyes off the keyboard or sheet music or look down at the floor and interrupt my train of thought and I am like, wait where am i up to.

Anyways I have tentatively downloaded a basic version of the entertainer to try tomorrow. But i may have bitten off more than I can chew as its timing between the left and right hand is so different that you literally are playing two tunes at once and i can't seem to not focus on one and not neglect the other. But i shall think of it as a challenge. Plus its keeping my occupied. Time really flew today, instead of clockwatching. Its nice for a change.

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Nothing Much Interesting Happened Today

Unusual isn't it.

It was warm today, in fact it was a little too warm although i prefer that to rainy days. I forced myself to go out today, i have really bad blisters on both feet so i think its time to get some new sneakers. Pauls Warehouse had a 2 for 1 sale in town so we went in there - they are in this old market store warehouse, the escalators don't work, there is no air circulation and PW is on the third floor. There were a million people around and only 3 sales staff in the footwear department; the had shoes labelled for running and cross training and casual but i could not find anything for walking and with 2 whole walls of shoes that almost look identical i didn't have a chance.

After what seemed like an eternity although was probably only 20 mins I jumped a salesman that became free. Why oh why did it have to be a male salesmen when i was wearing a dress that looked ridiculous when trying on sneakers and i had been too lazy to shave my legs. After finding out that they didn't have 3 different shows in my size it was narrowed down to two. The one that looked nice (hey i am shallow okay) was too snug across the foot which is coincidentally where my blisters are. The other pair are Asics and they are a muted grey colour. I didn't really like the look of them (perhaps i am just used to the white funky looking ones with the trim and the stripes etc) but i have to admit they fit better and i could feel my heels were cushioned well. And they were discounted $70 bucks. Sold.

So now i have new shoes and hopefully less blisters. So i can continue walking which allows me to daydream about things other than my real life. I am so happy there.

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Well you know that the pickings on television are slim when you find yourself watching a program called Psychic Kids. I think it is horrible that these people are exploiting peoples pain - this father is obviously in pain over his missing son and the idea that they can give him false hope disgusts me. If they were just taking money from people who come in for a reading or something that is one thing but to, urgh, it just annoys me. Feeding off peoples desperation. And know they have kids involved. Probably looking for the next John Edwards to make a packet off. I shouldn't be so cynical, perhaps its just the fact that there is nothing to watch on tv has made me cranky.

I went for two walks today. The first was this morning, down to get the local paper and back. Lost about half an hour talking to a lady walking two cute dogs; she obviously likes a talk so we were discussing all sorts of thing. I couldn't make my escape politely enough. When i finally got away my body had obviously cooled down because my calf muscles hurt so much and i felt stiff. Plus the battery died in my Iriver. I had to walk up my street with nothing but the thoughts in my head. It was the longest walk of my life.

I kind of bummed around today; spent most of it surfing. I tried to watch a video but wasn't really into it, tried to have a nap but wasn't really tired. I was actually checking the time waiting for it to be around 4pm so i could go for another walk. I just wanted to get out of the house and its the best way to do it. I couldn't go early because it was a hot sunny day and i would burn to a crisp (or rather add another million ugly freckles to my body). This time i went a different way - the other side of the town from the way i usually went. It was nice as half of it had designated pathways so i didn't have to dodge the traffic. Its scary how fast some cars are going in a 60/70km zone.

I had a follow up appointment with Dr KJS; it was a bit lackluster. There has not been a major upheavel, which is probably my fault and i expected nothing less,however its still kind of offputting. I don't feel the buoyancy or the elation that i felt when i left last time. But as they say this is just the beginning, my life starts now. Actually tomorrow as its late and i don't have anywhere to go.

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Ooh I am ever so naughty. I haven't written anything is about 5 days. Musn't keep the masses waiting any longer; I am sure they need an update about the life of Hips Magee and her sidekick Lord Stinkypants.

I finished my temp job at the engineering place. It was so lovely on Tuesday morning to wake up and not have to go sit somewhere for 7 and a half hours and feign enthusiasm and interest. I wish i could make that a career itself; perhaps teaching others how to act enthusiased and together and confident to help them in their pursuits. It is something that I excel in. I am the perfect little administrator/secretary/receptionist: I will follow yours orders with a smile on my face, do the menial tasks you designate me with the grace of an angel, all the time despising the fact that I have to do what others tell me to.

Enough of that. Yesterday i went for another temp interview with a planning firm. It was a temp job up until christmas and then they were going to review whether it may become a permanent role. It was an administrator role, least it wasn't reception, more like pushing papers around on a desk or creating files on the computer. I think I did okay in the interview, again I came across as enthusiastic and interested all the time mentally trying to count the exact number of days i would have to turn up to the place. I think it was like 60 days. 60 days of getting up early, driving in the horrible work traffic, having to park in a parking station and foot the bill and for what - a boring role in a boring office. God why does all admin have to be in boring jobs. Isn't there any exciting or interesting fields out there that require administration that goes beyond the realm of just typing letters and filing and binding.

The recruitment lady told me to be quietly confident as i was the front runner of the candidates - however there were only two candidates interviewed. I was more like quietly dying at the prospect of returning to the employed world. Turns out i don't have to worry because ONCE AGAIN I have been pipped at the post for a role that went to someone that worked for the company. It was OneSteel all over again. 'Cept this time the worker wasn't even on the scene until this morning when one office was talking to the sydney head office and mentioned it and lo and behold they had the perfect candidate that was interested. Is going to move up from Sydney for it. Well good on her.

I should be happy right? No time to think now as I can hear Lord Stinkypants quietly snoring in the bean bag and its kind of making me tired. Will probably think about it lying in bed but hopefully will drift off. Maybe i will have some more madcap dreams like last nights time travel scenario and gangster apartment block.

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The Definition Of Stupidity.

Signing up to Facebook when you have no friends.

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Paging Dr Fun

Please report to Hips Magee immediately, she is in dire need of medical attention in the fun department. And the excitement department. And the happiness depar.. oh and the interesting department. Well you get the picture.

Well i have finished four temp days so far. Man that place is a tomb. I know that being a temp people dont waste time getting to know you but they don't even chat amongst themselves. It's all sit at desk and work and type and thats it. The girls that finish at four practically sprint out the door as if they can't wait to get away from there. Can't blame them, the office is dull. The engineering bit is dull. The staff is mostly middle aged men and the few females that are there have little to no personality. Honestly compared to them I am the life of the party. I could not live like that, or more correctly work like that. Sitting at a desk watching the clock in the corner of the computer screen. Oh god it has only been 5 minutes since i last checked. This day is taking forever. That kind of thing. I have one or two days left this week, officially its only one but i may be kept on another day; i will know on Monday. Think of the money Hips, think of the money. I swear if it all gets taken out in tax i am going to spac it. I worked 30 hours in 4 days and by my calculations earned around $600, way more that what i got in my full time job. Add to that the days this week and it should increase. I don't know how temp work is taxed so i am worried i am going to end up with like $400. So not worth it. Better then the centrelink handouts but still.

I have another interview this week for a temp role that is about two months. I am processing a lot of thoughts and feelings about this. I was so glad the current temp job is a week, that's what kept me from running out of there. Suffer for seven days, get paid and you will never have to work there again. Now i am wondering if i would be able to survive 8 weeks. Granted the role looks far more in depth and complicated so i would be kept busy however i can picture myself sitting in an office at a desk. I don't like it. I am already setting mysef up for failure i know but still. Speak to me Oh gods of inspiration, tell me the path to take to a better life and career. If i am stuck in a job i hate my life will be downhill no matter what.

Whew! I thought i was just hearing the rumble of thunder which could mean logging of the internet however its blue skies outside and the rumble went on to long which means its probably a truck or something that is careening over the many potholes that adorn our local streets.

The final Twilight movie trailer was released yesterday and the blogs are abuzzing with it. Its only like a month until its release in the States, i think it is 2 months until it comes down under. Anyways i watched and it has me hooked again. Damn book and its fictional perfect hero. Fuck. I was going good for a while where i seemed to have got over my obsession with it but as of yesterday i am back thinking about it, and edward and robert pattinson and the hype. Oh what i wouldn't give to be looked at like that. To be held like that. To be loved and adored like that. But alas i have resigned myself to the fact that it will never be. Why? Because there is no such man in the real world. Just like there is no real Mr Darcy, there is no Edward so pining for someone like that is a futile attempt. So i just lock it away. I look at the guys out there and i realise that they are nothing like what i want. Who wants a meathead, a chauvinist, a sexist git; guys are just so juvenile, so stupid. I have felt this way even when i was young which led to the previously mentioned drought in my teens. Its why i have never been on a date with anyone. I can't just do it with someone i am not interested in, attracted to or challenged by. So i wonder if perhaps i am a lesbian. But i know i am not due to my crushes on so many hot and unattainable guys that exist (usually on the other side of the world) and who don't even know that i exist. Think about it. Whilst i swoon over Gerard Butler and Robert Pattinson, surf the web looking at pictures and reading about their lives, they have no idea I exist. But thats probably a good thing because I don't have anything to offer them; it's not like they would take one look at me and fall in love with me. Hmmm what would hurt more being in love with someone who doesn't know you exist or being in love with someone who knows you exist but is not interested in you. Ouch. Either way I end up with nothing but heartache.

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Centre Of Attention.

Why can't I be?

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The Yawns Are Coming Thick And Fast

Man I would kill for some excitement in my life.

I have just finished Day 2 of my stint as a temp (the temp as the other co-workers call me). Reflecting on the two days so far i am worried that I may have to return to this life of a full time office worker. The bleating of the phone, the noise of the photocopier, the way the time seems to go so slow until your escape. Is this monotony my destiny? If it is I can't last another 30 years, i truly can't stand to do it for a week. I feel so tired tonight i didn't go for a walk. I got the yawns at about 3pm this afternoon at my desk; you know the ones that come one after another after another and you have to try to stifle them if anyone walks past. There is no fun in the office. I know that i am only a temp so am an outsider but even the regular staff barely talk to each other except about work. They just sit and type. Or shuffle paper. Or walk from their desk to the photocopier and back. My work involves front desk reception although it does not generate a lot of walk in clients thank goodness, less interruptions. Less interruptions means more time to do the stupid virtual archiving. As in scanning a Manila folder stuff with documents from about 4 years ago and creating a soft copy, labelling it under the specific job number and saving it. It is a constant stop and start; go through paperwork in folder removing all staples and paperclips, get up walk to copier, set copier to email to my desk and scan documents, walk back to desk, open PDF and rename it correct job number before saving. I try to do it in batches yet standing at the photocopier feeding each individual file through is mind numbing; like why can't i be somewhere else. Sure it's supposedly good that I am out amongst people instead of locked away by myself in my bedroom however these people are the most bland, anti social bunch. Not a looker among them.

I am going to sign off now as my eyelids are getting heavy. I hope I don't fall asleep in my dinner.

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All Hail Lord Stinkypants.

As I write this Lord Stinkypants is asleep on the rug, flat out, the only movement is the rise and fall of his fat little tummy as he dreams away. His lordship is a master of sleeping; he trains for hours a day perfecting his technique, using the left side and the right, balancing on his back, legs in the air. On the chair, on the rug, in the bean bag, in the hallway, outside my bedroom door if i am inside, by the front door, by the back door. He is truly an allrounder, worthy of a gold medal.

I feel bad about this though. I think he got his laziness from me. It's like I brought him down to my level of apathy. And now he's firmly entrenched in it. And unlike me he is not enthusiastic about going for any long walks. He likes to go for his morning walk but that is really only about half a kilometre if that. And it's mostly stop start because he has to sniff the grass along the way. Make sure his territory is still marked and all that. And then claim his territory. I often wondering what he is thinking when he is so intently sniffing the grass. Is he picturing other dogs that have been there? Can he smell some food? Wouldn't surprise me if he could, its the only thing that is on his radar.

Anyways I did get to go for a walk this afternoon. I had fallen asleep this afternoon after playing Mahjong Solitaire (you have to concentrate and it's probably more thinking then I have done all week) only to discover at 4pm that it was sunny. So off i trotted with the aim of going down to the shops to get Vegemite and Grazia. I made it down there just on 5pm and got vegemite but there was no Grazia magazine in Bi-Lo. I was planning to walk back via the service station to try my luck however by now the sky had turned a dark grey and there was a major wind blowing. It almost took my cap off on another occasion. It looked like it was going to rain so i called in the troops to pick me up. Of course it didn't rain but had I not called it would have poured.

I better sign off now as I am trying to do too many things at once.

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"Oh Yeah, Don't Drive On The Railroad Track."

"Eh Phil. That's one I happen to agree with."

Bill Murray played such a good part in Groundhog Day. Its like it was tailor made for him. I know the paragraph that the above two lines came from off by heart and I can literally see them driving along the railroad track, bumping up and down over the planks. The movie was on cable not long ago and i happened upon it at this part (unfortunately i have seen GD so many times I am actually sick of it), and of course said the lines word for word. My mother thought it was amazing that i could remember that. Perhaps thats an explanation why i can't remember anything i learnt in Year 12 maths.

Now perhaps if Bill Murray was our maths teacher.....

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I Don't Really Like My Friends.

Well I seem to have crashed this evening. I knew things weren't right this afternoon, I had a drowsiness that I could not shake and I just was not feeling up. By up I mean I feel lighter, happier even though there is no actual reason for feeling happier. I just kind of felt enthusiastic even though i had no reason to and nothing to look forward to. I would have to put that down to the new tablets that I started last Monday. It hasn't even been a week, surely I would not crash like that so soon. I wouldn't be surprised though, this always happens to me whenever I try new tablets or increase the dose of whatever I am on. I always come down exactly where i was. Its been like this for years; three or four different medications, different dosages, too much money spent on psychiatry or psychologists and for what? I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. Do you know how depressing that is? Tears are actually starting to well up in my eyes thinking about it. Is this all there is? Really? This is as good as it gets? Go up only to come back down. I should just save the time and the money and the energy and stay here because it's where I will end up.

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I Am Actually Annoyed That It Is Raining Right Now

Although it is a relief from the hot weather of the last two days, I am annoyed that it chose to start raining an hour before i usually go for my afternoon walk. I was so looking forward to listening to my music and zoning out in fantasy daydream land. Beats sitting on my butt at the computer trying to come up with ideas to look at. But I can't because its raining. Well kind of anyways. More halfheartedly than anything but the ground is all wet and slippery and the sky is gun metal grey. I must admit outside looks kind of nice in the wet. You can smell the rain in the air, and all the grass and leaves are glistening green which really stands out against the grey sky.

So in my virtual surfing i have been checking up on one of my two style idols, Milla Jovovich. Not a good idea as she is currently over in Paris doing the rounds of the spring summer 2008 shows. Lets See..... Chanel, Christian Dior, Jean Paul Gaultier, Givenchy, parties, premieres, gala exhibitions. Nice work if you can get it. And oh how i wish i could. Wearing designer clothes, sitting front row and watching all the glorious clothes, people clamouring to take your photo, doing the blog rounds in the who-wore-what posts. Let's see what have i done in the last three days, the same three days as Milla above: went shopping and bought some work outfits from target, bought new headphones for my IRiver, perused the fashion magazines at Borders in the hope that Lucky is out (its not yet), sat in bed surfing the net, exercised, slept and went to Centrelink to talk about my Activity Agreement. WooHoo. Who needs the glamour and the glitz, it's all right here.

I'm hungry but I don't know what i feel like.

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It's A Little Too Hot for 10 In The Evening.

It's one of those sticky, muggy Friday nights and I am spending it alone in my room. Party up in here!

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Zippity Do Dah

*Sigh* And not a good sigh either. I just can't think of much to write about. There is nothing good to watch on TV. All in all just a pretty depressing Thursday night.

I went for two walks today - the morning was roughly 7kms and the evenings was nearly 4km. Doesn't feel like i walked 11kms today; granted my legs were feeling pretty woozy by dinner time and my feet are all red from being squashed into sweaty sneakers.

I have nothing much to say so i shall sign off. Sorry for the lack of uninterestingness.

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My Computer Is Getting Fat From All The Cookies It Seems To Be Eating.

So after yesterdays long winded and rather jam packed edition today I find myself without an existentialist crisis or fear of wasting my life. Is this the result of these new tablets that are supposed to settle my restless mind? I seem to be only tracking one thought at a time of late and even they are not that interesting. At the moment my thoughts are turning to how Blogger is giving me the shits. The text won't format correctly and each time i try to highlight all of it to change the font it wipes it completely and of course i can't undo. I usually don't have a problem with it; not that it matters though as i believe the template i am using reformats the text to suit its need. It annoys me that i can't leave a space between paragraphs.

I got a surprising call from the recruitment agency about 3pm this afternoon. Shocked the hell out of me as i never expected to hear from them again like the rest of the recruitment agencies. They just put me in a one week temp role as a receptionist at an engineering firm about half an hour away in an industrial estate. No interview, no rigmarole just turn up at 8:30am next tuesday. A weeks worth of $20 per hour work is more than welcome at this stage and even i can tolerate answering phones and photocopying for 5 days.

I went for a walk this morning and a walk this afternoon. I tried out my new shorts this arvo, the inside leg of the right one seems to want to ride up and i know that way too much of my pale cellulite is on display to the passers (or more specifically drivers) by. But it is warming up and if i want to get a little bit of colour on my legs they will have to see sun eventually. I am not even the nice creamy pale a la cate blanchett or the veritable english rose. I am translucent, almost see through. Mmm splotches.

I am getting sick of seeing Anne Hathaway's big mouth smiling everywhere. She is always on some red carpet wearing some nice outfit. No one ever mentions that Rachel Zoe picks her clothes. Fashion mags and gossip blogs all laud over her fashion choices saying how much more mature she is looking, how stylish and more together. Also note the dropping of the excess weight. Par for the course these days really. I have been walking for an hour almost every day for about a month but i don't see any difference. I know that i should be running to get a greater aerobic capacity and burn calories quicker but my knees hurt from walking so i am not even going to attempt running. I know (cause i can feel) that i have tight and toned muscles; they are just covered by 10kgs of lumpy pale cellulite. I need one of those Ped Egg contraptions but for the thighs so that i can slough of the excess blubber to reveal my toned legs.

Until next time....

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