I Don't Really Like My Friends.

Well I seem to have crashed this evening. I knew things weren't right this afternoon, I had a drowsiness that I could not shake and I just was not feeling up. By up I mean I feel lighter, happier even though there is no actual reason for feeling happier. I just kind of felt enthusiastic even though i had no reason to and nothing to look forward to. I would have to put that down to the new tablets that I started last Monday. It hasn't even been a week, surely I would not crash like that so soon. I wouldn't be surprised though, this always happens to me whenever I try new tablets or increase the dose of whatever I am on. I always come down exactly where i was. Its been like this for years; three or four different medications, different dosages, too much money spent on psychiatry or psychologists and for what? I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. Do you know how depressing that is? Tears are actually starting to well up in my eyes thinking about it. Is this all there is? Really? This is as good as it gets? Go up only to come back down. I should just save the time and the money and the energy and stay here because it's where I will end up.