Nothing Much Interesting Happened Today

Unusual isn't it.

It was warm today, in fact it was a little too warm although i prefer that to rainy days. I forced myself to go out today, i have really bad blisters on both feet so i think its time to get some new sneakers. Pauls Warehouse had a 2 for 1 sale in town so we went in there - they are in this old market store warehouse, the escalators don't work, there is no air circulation and PW is on the third floor. There were a million people around and only 3 sales staff in the footwear department; the had shoes labelled for running and cross training and casual but i could not find anything for walking and with 2 whole walls of shoes that almost look identical i didn't have a chance.

After what seemed like an eternity although was probably only 20 mins I jumped a salesman that became free. Why oh why did it have to be a male salesmen when i was wearing a dress that looked ridiculous when trying on sneakers and i had been too lazy to shave my legs. After finding out that they didn't have 3 different shows in my size it was narrowed down to two. The one that looked nice (hey i am shallow okay) was too snug across the foot which is coincidentally where my blisters are. The other pair are Asics and they are a muted grey colour. I didn't really like the look of them (perhaps i am just used to the white funky looking ones with the trim and the stripes etc) but i have to admit they fit better and i could feel my heels were cushioned well. And they were discounted $70 bucks. Sold.

So now i have new shoes and hopefully less blisters. So i can continue walking which allows me to daydream about things other than my real life. I am so happy there.

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Well you know that the pickings on television are slim when you find yourself watching a program called Psychic Kids. I think it is horrible that these people are exploiting peoples pain - this father is obviously in pain over his missing son and the idea that they can give him false hope disgusts me. If they were just taking money from people who come in for a reading or something that is one thing but to, urgh, it just annoys me. Feeding off peoples desperation. And know they have kids involved. Probably looking for the next John Edwards to make a packet off. I shouldn't be so cynical, perhaps its just the fact that there is nothing to watch on tv has made me cranky.

I went for two walks today. The first was this morning, down to get the local paper and back. Lost about half an hour talking to a lady walking two cute dogs; she obviously likes a talk so we were discussing all sorts of thing. I couldn't make my escape politely enough. When i finally got away my body had obviously cooled down because my calf muscles hurt so much and i felt stiff. Plus the battery died in my Iriver. I had to walk up my street with nothing but the thoughts in my head. It was the longest walk of my life.

I kind of bummed around today; spent most of it surfing. I tried to watch a video but wasn't really into it, tried to have a nap but wasn't really tired. I was actually checking the time waiting for it to be around 4pm so i could go for another walk. I just wanted to get out of the house and its the best way to do it. I couldn't go early because it was a hot sunny day and i would burn to a crisp (or rather add another million ugly freckles to my body). This time i went a different way - the other side of the town from the way i usually went. It was nice as half of it had designated pathways so i didn't have to dodge the traffic. Its scary how fast some cars are going in a 60/70km zone.

I had a follow up appointment with Dr KJS; it was a bit lackluster. There has not been a major upheavel, which is probably my fault and i expected nothing less,however its still kind of offputting. I don't feel the buoyancy or the elation that i felt when i left last time. But as they say this is just the beginning, my life starts now. Actually tomorrow as its late and i don't have anywhere to go.

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All Hail Lord Stinkypants.

As I write this Lord Stinkypants is asleep on the rug, flat out, the only movement is the rise and fall of his fat little tummy as he dreams away. His lordship is a master of sleeping; he trains for hours a day perfecting his technique, using the left side and the right, balancing on his back, legs in the air. On the chair, on the rug, in the bean bag, in the hallway, outside my bedroom door if i am inside, by the front door, by the back door. He is truly an allrounder, worthy of a gold medal.

I feel bad about this though. I think he got his laziness from me. It's like I brought him down to my level of apathy. And now he's firmly entrenched in it. And unlike me he is not enthusiastic about going for any long walks. He likes to go for his morning walk but that is really only about half a kilometre if that. And it's mostly stop start because he has to sniff the grass along the way. Make sure his territory is still marked and all that. And then claim his territory. I often wondering what he is thinking when he is so intently sniffing the grass. Is he picturing other dogs that have been there? Can he smell some food? Wouldn't surprise me if he could, its the only thing that is on his radar.

Anyways I did get to go for a walk this afternoon. I had fallen asleep this afternoon after playing Mahjong Solitaire (you have to concentrate and it's probably more thinking then I have done all week) only to discover at 4pm that it was sunny. So off i trotted with the aim of going down to the shops to get Vegemite and Grazia. I made it down there just on 5pm and got vegemite but there was no Grazia magazine in Bi-Lo. I was planning to walk back via the service station to try my luck however by now the sky had turned a dark grey and there was a major wind blowing. It almost took my cap off on another occasion. It looked like it was going to rain so i called in the troops to pick me up. Of course it didn't rain but had I not called it would have poured.

I better sign off now as I am trying to do too many things at once.

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I Am Actually Annoyed That It Is Raining Right Now

Although it is a relief from the hot weather of the last two days, I am annoyed that it chose to start raining an hour before i usually go for my afternoon walk. I was so looking forward to listening to my music and zoning out in fantasy daydream land. Beats sitting on my butt at the computer trying to come up with ideas to look at. But I can't because its raining. Well kind of anyways. More halfheartedly than anything but the ground is all wet and slippery and the sky is gun metal grey. I must admit outside looks kind of nice in the wet. You can smell the rain in the air, and all the grass and leaves are glistening green which really stands out against the grey sky.

So in my virtual surfing i have been checking up on one of my two style idols, Milla Jovovich. Not a good idea as she is currently over in Paris doing the rounds of the spring summer 2008 shows. Lets See..... Chanel, Christian Dior, Jean Paul Gaultier, Givenchy, parties, premieres, gala exhibitions. Nice work if you can get it. And oh how i wish i could. Wearing designer clothes, sitting front row and watching all the glorious clothes, people clamouring to take your photo, doing the blog rounds in the who-wore-what posts. Let's see what have i done in the last three days, the same three days as Milla above: went shopping and bought some work outfits from target, bought new headphones for my IRiver, perused the fashion magazines at Borders in the hope that Lucky is out (its not yet), sat in bed surfing the net, exercised, slept and went to Centrelink to talk about my Activity Agreement. WooHoo. Who needs the glamour and the glitz, it's all right here.

I'm hungry but I don't know what i feel like.

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Zippity Do Dah

*Sigh* And not a good sigh either. I just can't think of much to write about. There is nothing good to watch on TV. All in all just a pretty depressing Thursday night.

I went for two walks today - the morning was roughly 7kms and the evenings was nearly 4km. Doesn't feel like i walked 11kms today; granted my legs were feeling pretty woozy by dinner time and my feet are all red from being squashed into sweaty sneakers.

I have nothing much to say so i shall sign off. Sorry for the lack of uninterestingness.

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Why Did I Make Myself Icecream When I Don't Even Want It

So apparently my rant about job seeking yesterday was a bit early. I got a call from the recruitment agency on Friday afternoon saying that the company would love to meet with me on Monday. That's more like it. So have to be at said engineering firm at 9am for interview with the HR Manager. I have to say that I am immensely relieved that this is going ahead. The thought that I wouldn't even make interviews for a simple admin job where its only temporary and if you suck they can get rid of you, pretty much made me feel worthless. Oh and I hate the sitting around and waiting for the call from the agency. Put my life on hold on the off chance that I get a call. Carry my mobile in my pocket so that every time i take a step i can feel the phone against my leg - another reminder.

Today being Saturday I decided to walk down to the local shops to get the Saturday paper. The idea is that i will look for jobs in the paper. The paper is still sitting folded in the neat carry bag my mum made for me. The downside of said neat carry bag is that now i have no reason to call mum to come and pick me up at the shops. It is 4 kilometres from our house to the news agency and there is no way that I will walk 4kms carrying a thick paper ( or Grazia when it comes out). Now I have no excuse as I am hands free for the return trip. I think I get about halfway back, so what 6kms, when my legs start to protest. What I really hate and is really tough is that the last kilometre of road curves down so that if i walk on the correct side of the road i am in the lowest part and sometimes have a habit of schooching sideways off the road completely. I probably look slightly intoxicated however should the odd car pass me I am able to pull myself together for the fifteen seconds and look like the power walker i am so desperately trying to be.

So its Saturday night. And how is the party animal that is Hips Magee spending it i hear you ask? At home with her parents. On the computer, reorganising her IRiver for walking music. Oh and i seem to be biting all my nails off. I don't know why I am, I haven't bitten my nails in a while. In fact just last week I had to file my nails down because they were getting too long to type with. Guess i won't have that problem anymore. So biting my nails means i am worried about something. What though? Looks like I am going to have to delve into my psyche for some answers.

I finally got an idea for a story to work on for my creative writing. It's not bad and I am just in the process of trying to work out characters. It's funny how before when I was watching TV and I came up with the idea, and I got all excited and enthused. I wanted to work on the story but I was in the middle of a TV show. I lamented the fact that my mother had taken the laptop away for the weekend so i could not sit and work on it. Now that the show is finished and, as always on Saturday night, there is absolutely nothing worth watching, I have moved into the computer. Yet now my momentum has waned and I seem to find other things to do on the computer eg write this entry, reorganise my IRiver. What's that about - why can I not follow through on the idea. I will never write a book if i don't start but why can't I bring myself to start. Fear of failure? probably. Fear of putting a lot of time and effort into something that i will fail miserably at. Ding Ding Ding we have a winner folks. Why can't I realise that i can never become a paid author if i don't start writing? I have to start somewhere. David Beckham would never have become so great at soccer if he decided to skip practice when he was ten and watch telly.

Another thing that I am feeling lately is jealousy towards young actors and actresses. Hold that thought - it sounds like Lord Stinkypants has come down from his bed and wants to go outside. He went to bed at 7:30 when it became clear that I was not going to give him any of my yummy Thai sweet chili rolls. Now he will go out, bark at whatever nocturnal wildlife is out in the yard and then demand to come back in so he can go back to bed; be it in the bean bag or his doggie bed. The life of some hey. Anyways back to the jealousy. I see all these pretty young things in their teens and twenties. Being hyped up, going to parties, wearing designer clothes, being talked about and lauded over by fans and getting to spend their days making movies and being paid for it. I WANT THAT. When people ask me what I want to do i want to yell that. I want to act, to be famous, to be pretty and to never ever have to worry about money again. But how do you say that when you are 30, are known to be quite shy and have never acted in your life. And even if I wanted to how the hell am i supposed to start. i have looked up acting classes and drama in newcastle et al and there is like 4, 3 of which are talent agencies. How can i find out if i am any good at acting here in this boring town. Unfortunatly acting is not something that you can learn online. And even if i could I would never be discovered hiding away here in little old backwater town. So what am i supposed to do, uproot myself from my safe place and throw myself into a huge town where i know no-one and feel about as cosmopolitan as an old boot all for the pursuit of a pipe dream. That would be living the dream, following the yellow brick road, creating my own happiness and destiny.

Wouldn't want to do a silly thing like that.

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Man I Forgot To Think Of A Title Before Posting.

Okay so five o clock came and went and no call from the recruitment agency. I kind of can't beleive it - i am so qualified for the role i am practically overqualified and yet i can't even get this role. So what am I supposed to make of that. I'm not good enough to answer phones and type documents for 8 weeks? Ah god i am over it.

I went for another walk this afternoon just because i was feeling antsy; i had to admit its a lot cooler around 4pm then it is first thing in the morning. I ambled along watching other people live their lives, driving, mowing the yard, talking to neighbours. People driving, i wonder where they are going, and what they are thinking when they see me loping down the road with my water bottle and my slightly scowled expression. The aircraft jets were playing their war games in the sky above so the noise kept drowning out my headphones - i am concious of turning them up to loud; i hate when i am lying in bed at night and hear ringing. I start to panic that i am going deaf and that i will never listen to my headphones again. But all is forgotten by morning. Lord Stinkypants was most disappointed that i went for my second walk without him - i call still see the look of abandonment on his face and he stared after me through the fence. But I am sorry mate I wanted to walk, not stop every 5 minutes to sniff grass and mark your territory for some invisible foe that you will never meet. If i am going to go walking it has to have some benefit either aerobically or fat burning.

I feel like writing, creatively i mean, as in fiction. But i cant think of a story or plotline that i haven't lifted from something that has already been written. I am very good at daydreaming and have an overactive imagination which i am sure i can utilise however none of these have plots so would be incredibly boring after about 10 pages. Seeing as that is the case I thought I would try my hand at some fan fiction; the characters are already fleshed out. However there is something that seems to be stopping me. As if there is a little voice in my head saying "it won't be that good a story so why waste your time on it when you could be doing other things". This is a voice that i hear a lot and that same phrase could be applied to a lot of other scenarios. And it wins. Pretty much all of the time. It keeps me in my shell, my boring shell, my lonely shell. I just go around in circles - i wish i had a life but the voice in my head says its too much work and that its going to be a waste of time so don't bother. So I don't. Then i lament my lack of fun, friends and happiness etc.

So can someone out there please give me a metaphorical kick up the ass.

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All Hyped Up With Nowhere to Go.

I went for a walk nice and early this morning. Well early for me being 7:30am. I have to be back before the sun gets heat in its rays and trys to scorch my roaccutane sensitive skin. Why didn't i take up walking two months ago in winter when the sun was less intense. Who would have thought that i would actually be looking forward to going for a walk. I walked the streets for nearly a hour and a half today. Its nice to be listening to my music as i walk and its also nice to daydream. I think thats why i like walking because it gets me out of my confined little space and into a daydream world where I am fabulous, fit and totally the opposite of everything i am. It also gets rid of the cabin fever that i have because i always seem to be at home.

Home. It is so insufferable at the moment, so claustrophobic. So go out I hear you say. Where? I am so bored with life that shopping centres don't interest me, i can't get into any books from the library, I am too uncoordinated and fearful to take up a sport, restaurants don't interest me. Everywhere is just that same dull shade of grey. And it upsets me when i do go out to realise i have no where to go and that i eventually have to turn around and come home. But I know that Lord Stinkypants will be waiting patiently (albeit sleeping) for me to return...so i can supply more food.

On a different note i am surprised at how many shows i will be watching over the coming week on free to air tv. I have cable but lately there has been nothing that i want to watch. Its so frustrating, i can't even find a show that i am half interested in watching. Let me state for the record that i am not someone who zombies out in front of the television for 12 hours a day but i do watch television in the evening from 7 to 10 (most nights) I like it because i can switch off thinking for a while. Stop the record of thoughts playing in my head over and over and over and over.

The days seem to go by so slowly.

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