Woah I Have Really Dropped Off

Guess its because i haven't actually been doing that much to talk about. Besides learning the piano - stupid thing who knew it would be that hard :P

Lets see, well I guess the most momentous thing in my life at the moment is that i finally got another temp job - no previous employee to snatch it away, in fact the smell of slight desperation permeated the air at my interview. If you can call it an interview, more like an informal chat that lasted about 10minutes. And to think I spent all that time on my hair and makeup. And I even did my eyebrows. My hairdresser did my eyebrows for me on the weekend and I love them. I know that sounds strange and a little bit vain, but if you have ever gone through having shapeless eyebrows that you don't like to nice ones that have some shape without being stick thin then you will know exactly what i am talking about. They are the best i have ever had them, and my hairdresser doesn't do them professionally. All those different beauticians and professionals and i got the best one in the kitchen of my hairdresser sitting in her $28 eBay barber chair. I really should get her something as a thank you. Now where was I... oh yeah the job. I started today; i only found out i got it yesterday afternoon. I kind of feel like my time off is unfinished, like there are some loose ends to tie. Not that there are really, I guess i just didn't get the whole wind down that i am used to when i know that i have to go to work in the next couple of days. Don't get me wrong, i would prefer not to be working but i could use 8 weeks worth of money so i can't say no. I miss buying stuff. Although i know i can't because mom says i have to save money for uni. Good old practical mum. I am an extravagant spender trapped in a family full of penny pinchers. So for the next couple of months i will sell my time for $20 per hour, 8 hours a day, 5 days a week.

I have become more interested in makeup and hair techniques in the last couple of weeks (before my job when i had plenty of time to kill). You tube is a bonanza of how to videos, first there was piano lessons, now eye makeup and hair styling. Now if only I could get time to do it. I will have to make sure my laziness does not kick back in and bring my apathy back with a vengeance. Better go, i only have half an hour left before my show comes on and i have about 800 stories in my RSS feeds to read. Twilight is less than 20 days away from premiering in the states and the twi-hards are going post crazy.

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Paging Dr Fun

Please report to Hips Magee immediately, she is in dire need of medical attention in the fun department. And the excitement department. And the happiness depar.. oh and the interesting department. Well you get the picture.

Well i have finished four temp days so far. Man that place is a tomb. I know that being a temp people dont waste time getting to know you but they don't even chat amongst themselves. It's all sit at desk and work and type and thats it. The girls that finish at four practically sprint out the door as if they can't wait to get away from there. Can't blame them, the office is dull. The engineering bit is dull. The staff is mostly middle aged men and the few females that are there have little to no personality. Honestly compared to them I am the life of the party. I could not live like that, or more correctly work like that. Sitting at a desk watching the clock in the corner of the computer screen. Oh god it has only been 5 minutes since i last checked. This day is taking forever. That kind of thing. I have one or two days left this week, officially its only one but i may be kept on another day; i will know on Monday. Think of the money Hips, think of the money. I swear if it all gets taken out in tax i am going to spac it. I worked 30 hours in 4 days and by my calculations earned around $600, way more that what i got in my full time job. Add to that the days this week and it should increase. I don't know how temp work is taxed so i am worried i am going to end up with like $400. So not worth it. Better then the centrelink handouts but still.

I have another interview this week for a temp role that is about two months. I am processing a lot of thoughts and feelings about this. I was so glad the current temp job is a week, that's what kept me from running out of there. Suffer for seven days, get paid and you will never have to work there again. Now i am wondering if i would be able to survive 8 weeks. Granted the role looks far more in depth and complicated so i would be kept busy however i can picture myself sitting in an office at a desk. I don't like it. I am already setting mysef up for failure i know but still. Speak to me Oh gods of inspiration, tell me the path to take to a better life and career. If i am stuck in a job i hate my life will be downhill no matter what.

Whew! I thought i was just hearing the rumble of thunder which could mean logging of the internet however its blue skies outside and the rumble went on to long which means its probably a truck or something that is careening over the many potholes that adorn our local streets.

The final Twilight movie trailer was released yesterday and the blogs are abuzzing with it. Its only like a month until its release in the States, i think it is 2 months until it comes down under. Anyways i watched and it has me hooked again. Damn book and its fictional perfect hero. Fuck. I was going good for a while where i seemed to have got over my obsession with it but as of yesterday i am back thinking about it, and edward and robert pattinson and the hype. Oh what i wouldn't give to be looked at like that. To be held like that. To be loved and adored like that. But alas i have resigned myself to the fact that it will never be. Why? Because there is no such man in the real world. Just like there is no real Mr Darcy, there is no Edward so pining for someone like that is a futile attempt. So i just lock it away. I look at the guys out there and i realise that they are nothing like what i want. Who wants a meathead, a chauvinist, a sexist git; guys are just so juvenile, so stupid. I have felt this way even when i was young which led to the previously mentioned drought in my teens. Its why i have never been on a date with anyone. I can't just do it with someone i am not interested in, attracted to or challenged by. So i wonder if perhaps i am a lesbian. But i know i am not due to my crushes on so many hot and unattainable guys that exist (usually on the other side of the world) and who don't even know that i exist. Think about it. Whilst i swoon over Gerard Butler and Robert Pattinson, surf the web looking at pictures and reading about their lives, they have no idea I exist. But thats probably a good thing because I don't have anything to offer them; it's not like they would take one look at me and fall in love with me. Hmmm what would hurt more being in love with someone who doesn't know you exist or being in love with someone who knows you exist but is not interested in you. Ouch. Either way I end up with nothing but heartache.

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Lost In Ambivalence

Sigh. It is the night before the interview. My ambivalence has set in. You know, the one that makes you think you don't really care if you get the job so that if you don't get the job the rejection doesn't crush you. Eight weeks worth of money would be kind of neat though as I have $8 in my bank account. Yes yes i have $2K in the other one but i kind of don't want to deplete that if necessary. Anyways not really in the mood to talk.

Think I will go to bed and dream about Edward Cullen. Yeah good one.

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What Is This I Am Feeling?

Okay so even though I am not classified as a Young Adult, i have recently read Twilight by Stephanie Meyer. I was surfing the web a couple of months ago and stumbled upon the movie info - i had never heard of it but the fans that were commenting on it were going off. I quite fancied Robert Pattinson who is playing the male lead so I figured that i would see what all the fuss is about.

I borrowed it from the library and left it on my desk for a day or two before I started to read it. I really loved the cover image, the blood red apple and the pale hands. Man i wish i could be creative like that. Anyways, I read this book in two days. And it was only two because i eventually had to sleep. I have honestly not read a complete book, be it fiction or non fiction, in a couple of years. Yet here I was carrying the book around with me in the house. I read it in the lounge, I read it in my bed, I read it on the patio, i read it during the commercials. What was it about this book? Its about a human girl falling in love with a vampire boy. First love, true love, the power of it and the obsession. Grade A romantic fantasy and I fell for it hook, line and sinker.

I couldn't stop thinking about the story and the characters when i went to sleep that night. Here I am, quite the feminist who is happy to be single, wanting - no aching - for my own Edward. Of course i know the character is too perfect and such a human being doesn't exist but it didn't stop the longing. How i wished right then and there that i could be lying face to face with someone i adored. What is this? I have never felt like this. Why had 400 odd pages of fiction created a maelstrom in my soul?? Its a book Hips. They aren't real. Nothing could be like that. Am I setting myself up for a fall in the hopes that there is someone out there like that. One things for sure I am never going to meet him in this little backwater town i live in. God i want to slap myself. Or grab myself by the shoulders, shake myself and yell "Get A Grip". I am a grown woman for gods sake.

Another thing that this book has made me realise with a whopping great thud is that I am not a teenager anymore. The characters in the book are teenagers (well the girl is) and it has the whole first love vibe thing going on. I missed out on that feeling. And now i will never have that feeling - the feeling of young love. It makes me sad, really sad. I never liked any of the boys at school, they were pretty much idiots. I went through my entire teenage years without a kiss, or a crush, or the racing of my heart when i thought of someone. At the time I was alright with it - i didn't want to slum it with any of them. Now i kind of ache for it, a longing for something that will never be. Would my life have turned out differently if i had. Who knows. Can't go back. Yet.

And you know whats even worse, the point where the tears start to well up? That my twenties were exactly the same. Exactly. In fact i sit here now unkissed and unloved. Is there something wrong with me? Is there a guy out there for me or am i destined to always go to the movies alone? To be the odd one out at work or social functions? To keep receiving wedding invitations from my cousins, old school friends and work colleagues?

Bloody book.

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