Paging Dr Fun

Please report to Hips Magee immediately, she is in dire need of medical attention in the fun department. And the excitement department. And the happiness depar.. oh and the interesting department. Well you get the picture.

Well i have finished four temp days so far. Man that place is a tomb. I know that being a temp people dont waste time getting to know you but they don't even chat amongst themselves. It's all sit at desk and work and type and thats it. The girls that finish at four practically sprint out the door as if they can't wait to get away from there. Can't blame them, the office is dull. The engineering bit is dull. The staff is mostly middle aged men and the few females that are there have little to no personality. Honestly compared to them I am the life of the party. I could not live like that, or more correctly work like that. Sitting at a desk watching the clock in the corner of the computer screen. Oh god it has only been 5 minutes since i last checked. This day is taking forever. That kind of thing. I have one or two days left this week, officially its only one but i may be kept on another day; i will know on Monday. Think of the money Hips, think of the money. I swear if it all gets taken out in tax i am going to spac it. I worked 30 hours in 4 days and by my calculations earned around $600, way more that what i got in my full time job. Add to that the days this week and it should increase. I don't know how temp work is taxed so i am worried i am going to end up with like $400. So not worth it. Better then the centrelink handouts but still.

I have another interview this week for a temp role that is about two months. I am processing a lot of thoughts and feelings about this. I was so glad the current temp job is a week, that's what kept me from running out of there. Suffer for seven days, get paid and you will never have to work there again. Now i am wondering if i would be able to survive 8 weeks. Granted the role looks far more in depth and complicated so i would be kept busy however i can picture myself sitting in an office at a desk. I don't like it. I am already setting mysef up for failure i know but still. Speak to me Oh gods of inspiration, tell me the path to take to a better life and career. If i am stuck in a job i hate my life will be downhill no matter what.

Whew! I thought i was just hearing the rumble of thunder which could mean logging of the internet however its blue skies outside and the rumble went on to long which means its probably a truck or something that is careening over the many potholes that adorn our local streets.

The final Twilight movie trailer was released yesterday and the blogs are abuzzing with it. Its only like a month until its release in the States, i think it is 2 months until it comes down under. Anyways i watched and it has me hooked again. Damn book and its fictional perfect hero. Fuck. I was going good for a while where i seemed to have got over my obsession with it but as of yesterday i am back thinking about it, and edward and robert pattinson and the hype. Oh what i wouldn't give to be looked at like that. To be held like that. To be loved and adored like that. But alas i have resigned myself to the fact that it will never be. Why? Because there is no such man in the real world. Just like there is no real Mr Darcy, there is no Edward so pining for someone like that is a futile attempt. So i just lock it away. I look at the guys out there and i realise that they are nothing like what i want. Who wants a meathead, a chauvinist, a sexist git; guys are just so juvenile, so stupid. I have felt this way even when i was young which led to the previously mentioned drought in my teens. Its why i have never been on a date with anyone. I can't just do it with someone i am not interested in, attracted to or challenged by. So i wonder if perhaps i am a lesbian. But i know i am not due to my crushes on so many hot and unattainable guys that exist (usually on the other side of the world) and who don't even know that i exist. Think about it. Whilst i swoon over Gerard Butler and Robert Pattinson, surf the web looking at pictures and reading about their lives, they have no idea I exist. But thats probably a good thing because I don't have anything to offer them; it's not like they would take one look at me and fall in love with me. Hmmm what would hurt more being in love with someone who doesn't know you exist or being in love with someone who knows you exist but is not interested in you. Ouch. Either way I end up with nothing but heartache.

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Centre Of Attention.

Why can't I be?

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The Yawns Are Coming Thick And Fast

Man I would kill for some excitement in my life.

I have just finished Day 2 of my stint as a temp (the temp as the other co-workers call me). Reflecting on the two days so far i am worried that I may have to return to this life of a full time office worker. The bleating of the phone, the noise of the photocopier, the way the time seems to go so slow until your escape. Is this monotony my destiny? If it is I can't last another 30 years, i truly can't stand to do it for a week. I feel so tired tonight i didn't go for a walk. I got the yawns at about 3pm this afternoon at my desk; you know the ones that come one after another after another and you have to try to stifle them if anyone walks past. There is no fun in the office. I know that i am only a temp so am an outsider but even the regular staff barely talk to each other except about work. They just sit and type. Or shuffle paper. Or walk from their desk to the photocopier and back. My work involves front desk reception although it does not generate a lot of walk in clients thank goodness, less interruptions. Less interruptions means more time to do the stupid virtual archiving. As in scanning a Manila folder stuff with documents from about 4 years ago and creating a soft copy, labelling it under the specific job number and saving it. It is a constant stop and start; go through paperwork in folder removing all staples and paperclips, get up walk to copier, set copier to email to my desk and scan documents, walk back to desk, open PDF and rename it correct job number before saving. I try to do it in batches yet standing at the photocopier feeding each individual file through is mind numbing; like why can't i be somewhere else. Sure it's supposedly good that I am out amongst people instead of locked away by myself in my bedroom however these people are the most bland, anti social bunch. Not a looker among them.

I am going to sign off now as my eyelids are getting heavy. I hope I don't fall asleep in my dinner.

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All Hail Lord Stinkypants.

As I write this Lord Stinkypants is asleep on the rug, flat out, the only movement is the rise and fall of his fat little tummy as he dreams away. His lordship is a master of sleeping; he trains for hours a day perfecting his technique, using the left side and the right, balancing on his back, legs in the air. On the chair, on the rug, in the bean bag, in the hallway, outside my bedroom door if i am inside, by the front door, by the back door. He is truly an allrounder, worthy of a gold medal.

I feel bad about this though. I think he got his laziness from me. It's like I brought him down to my level of apathy. And now he's firmly entrenched in it. And unlike me he is not enthusiastic about going for any long walks. He likes to go for his morning walk but that is really only about half a kilometre if that. And it's mostly stop start because he has to sniff the grass along the way. Make sure his territory is still marked and all that. And then claim his territory. I often wondering what he is thinking when he is so intently sniffing the grass. Is he picturing other dogs that have been there? Can he smell some food? Wouldn't surprise me if he could, its the only thing that is on his radar.

Anyways I did get to go for a walk this afternoon. I had fallen asleep this afternoon after playing Mahjong Solitaire (you have to concentrate and it's probably more thinking then I have done all week) only to discover at 4pm that it was sunny. So off i trotted with the aim of going down to the shops to get Vegemite and Grazia. I made it down there just on 5pm and got vegemite but there was no Grazia magazine in Bi-Lo. I was planning to walk back via the service station to try my luck however by now the sky had turned a dark grey and there was a major wind blowing. It almost took my cap off on another occasion. It looked like it was going to rain so i called in the troops to pick me up. Of course it didn't rain but had I not called it would have poured.

I better sign off now as I am trying to do too many things at once.

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"Oh Yeah, Don't Drive On The Railroad Track."

"Eh Phil. That's one I happen to agree with."

Bill Murray played such a good part in Groundhog Day. Its like it was tailor made for him. I know the paragraph that the above two lines came from off by heart and I can literally see them driving along the railroad track, bumping up and down over the planks. The movie was on cable not long ago and i happened upon it at this part (unfortunately i have seen GD so many times I am actually sick of it), and of course said the lines word for word. My mother thought it was amazing that i could remember that. Perhaps thats an explanation why i can't remember anything i learnt in Year 12 maths.

Now perhaps if Bill Murray was our maths teacher.....

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I Don't Really Like My Friends.

Well I seem to have crashed this evening. I knew things weren't right this afternoon, I had a drowsiness that I could not shake and I just was not feeling up. By up I mean I feel lighter, happier even though there is no actual reason for feeling happier. I just kind of felt enthusiastic even though i had no reason to and nothing to look forward to. I would have to put that down to the new tablets that I started last Monday. It hasn't even been a week, surely I would not crash like that so soon. I wouldn't be surprised though, this always happens to me whenever I try new tablets or increase the dose of whatever I am on. I always come down exactly where i was. Its been like this for years; three or four different medications, different dosages, too much money spent on psychiatry or psychologists and for what? I am exactly where I was 10 years ago. Do you know how depressing that is? Tears are actually starting to well up in my eyes thinking about it. Is this all there is? Really? This is as good as it gets? Go up only to come back down. I should just save the time and the money and the energy and stay here because it's where I will end up.

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I Am Actually Annoyed That It Is Raining Right Now

Although it is a relief from the hot weather of the last two days, I am annoyed that it chose to start raining an hour before i usually go for my afternoon walk. I was so looking forward to listening to my music and zoning out in fantasy daydream land. Beats sitting on my butt at the computer trying to come up with ideas to look at. But I can't because its raining. Well kind of anyways. More halfheartedly than anything but the ground is all wet and slippery and the sky is gun metal grey. I must admit outside looks kind of nice in the wet. You can smell the rain in the air, and all the grass and leaves are glistening green which really stands out against the grey sky.

So in my virtual surfing i have been checking up on one of my two style idols, Milla Jovovich. Not a good idea as she is currently over in Paris doing the rounds of the spring summer 2008 shows. Lets See..... Chanel, Christian Dior, Jean Paul Gaultier, Givenchy, parties, premieres, gala exhibitions. Nice work if you can get it. And oh how i wish i could. Wearing designer clothes, sitting front row and watching all the glorious clothes, people clamouring to take your photo, doing the blog rounds in the who-wore-what posts. Let's see what have i done in the last three days, the same three days as Milla above: went shopping and bought some work outfits from target, bought new headphones for my IRiver, perused the fashion magazines at Borders in the hope that Lucky is out (its not yet), sat in bed surfing the net, exercised, slept and went to Centrelink to talk about my Activity Agreement. WooHoo. Who needs the glamour and the glitz, it's all right here.

I'm hungry but I don't know what i feel like.

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